Video

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Ignorant People

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Yesterday another YouTube video became sort of viral in publishing circles and I'm sure you've probably already seen it but I present it here just in case:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sv4Hpz-GI3g

I even posted it on Facebook with the caption "Spoiled Brat!" I was (in case it wasn't obvious) being facetious. After all, the kid is just a kid, not even five years old, and on Christmas morning, what kind of presents does a kid that age want to open? Toys, of course!

It would be different if the kid were, say, ten years old and flipping out that he got a book instead of a toy. But no, this particular child is three, so it's expected, right?

Of course, the kinds of people who regularly comment at YouTube apparently didn't understand this little fact, based on this note by one of the kid's parents regarding the video:

I have deleted a lot of very undeserved negative comments that have been posted....I understand now that without a good understanding of the back history one could make a poor assumption of him....but now i hope you know that he was ONLY THREE YEARS OLD PEOPLE and that he only thought your supposed to get toys for christmas....partly because of how commercialized this holiday has become.....we have since taught him differently..............but just for kicks were gonna wrap books again for him and see what happens....

Personally, if I were a parent I don't think I'd post a video of my child on YouTube in the first place, but this was the choice these parents made. And sure, in some ways, the video's cute, but is it deserving of such snarkiness from those degenerates trolling YouTube? No, of course not. And this is yet another reason why I hate ignorant people.

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Nanu Nanu

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Just got home from the Morgantown, West Virginia area where I spoke to small group of writers last night. The drive there was hellish -- the weather was fine starting out but then, after an hour or so, it started to snow and things just went downhill from there. We were making somewhat good time until we got about 10 minutes away from our destination and then got stuck for about 40 minutes in a long pileup on the interstate because of an accident. But today on the way back? The weather was perfect and we had no problems whatsoever. Anyway, it was a good time, so thanks to Morgantown Poets for inviting me, especially those who braved the cold and ice to attend. I have a story featured today at Nanoism, which I believe is one of the best markets for Twitter-fiction. Here's how the story came about: when putting together the design for the anthology's cover, my editor asked me if I could try to write a story that had the words hint and fiction closer together. They weren't happy with the wording of the story already written, thinking those two words were too far apart. So I did, but the words were way too close together, and the designers went with a different wording, and there's today's special behind-the-scenes look at the making of the anthology. I did include the story, which I titled "Definition," in Eight Hints, which, until now, contained two unpublished hint fiction pieces. I actually have several left over and will be taking the rest with me to AWP, but since I love and appreciate all of you who read my blog, if you'd like a copy of your own, send me an e-mail at robert (at) robertswartwood (dot) com with your name and address by midnight Sunday EST and I'll drop one in the mail and you should (in theory) receive it in time for Christmas (it, like the anthology, makes a great stocking stuffer).

And speaking of Christmas, if you like SpongeBob SquarePants and Legos (because who doesn't?), then you'll love this:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLuK-QEOmcg

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More Hint Stuff

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A reminder that I'll be speaking tonight at the Monongalia Arts Center at 7 pm. So, you know, if you're in the Morgantown, West Virginia area, why not stop by and say hi. It's sure to be an interesting experience seeing that I'm still fighting a bad cold. Along with the usual DayQuil and NyQuil, I took this tonight:

As you can imagine, it didn't taste very good, but hopefully it'll do the trick.

Lyle Rosdahl of the San Antonio Current has this to say about the anthology:

I’m a bibliophile and a lover of language. That’s why I claim that books make the best presents for the holidays. And in the spirit of the Flash Fiction section, I’m recommending Hint Fiction: An Anthology of Stories in 25 Words or Fewer, edited by Robert Swartwood. Not only is the name of the form brilliant, the stories are too. Here’s an example by Joe R. Lansdale, taken from the first story in the book. It’s called “The Return”: “They buried him deep. Again.” The obvious point is that it hints, like the most brilliant stories, at something outside of it — a cultural reference or the lumbering body below the surface of the page, the words, the meaning. These are the perfect stories to thumb through on a sunny winter morning. Happy holiday reading.

And the Booking Mama also recommends the anthology as an excellent holiday gift:

Coming from someone who can't stop talking or typing, I'm in awe that authors can successfully convey story ideas in so few words. I was pleasantly surprised by this book and the depth of so many of the stories. Some actually made me reflect on the characters, some hit me like a punch to the gut, and others left me wanting more. I honestly didn't expect these few words to have such a powerful effect on me.

Have you seen the trailer for the documentary Bad Writing? Well then, here, you have no more excuse:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raWLS2_PEfI

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Writer Beware

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As I've mentioned before, any Joe Schmo can purchase a domain name and call themselves a publisher. What difference is there between someone like that (who probably has next to no experience) publishing your book or you publishing your own book? Well, unless a) the "publisher" can pay you a decent advance and b) has the ability to distribute your book to many places (places you couldn't distribute to on your own), then the answer is pretty much nothing. Yesterday I saw a market report where a new publisher was interviewed. Here are the basics from that interview:

Publisher: Grand Mal Press Editor: Darren Heath Pay Rate: token advance, 8% royalties on print, 15% on ebook Response Time: 3 months at the latest Reading Period: Until closed Description:sci-fi, horror, mystery, et al

And here are the basics from the guidelines posted at the publisher's website:

Payment: Authors will receive a token advance up front. Authors will earn quarterly royalties equaling 8 percent on print/15 percent on e-books.

Book Format and Accessibility: Books will be printed in POD format (ebooks will be printed six months after the print release). This means they WILL be available through online retailers such as Amazon.com, Walmart.com, Borders.com, etc. We will also actively seek reviews and will promote it to the best of our abilities.

Submission guidelines: Email your manuscript as an attachment to grandmalpress_AT_gmail_DOT_com. Submissions MUST be made in 12pt Times New Roman, SINGLE SPACED in "normal" format. Failure to abide may result in your work not being considered.

Include your name and e-mail address on the cover page together with a short bio. Include the following: "This work is entirely original and my own and has not been previously published in any format whatsoever." If you have the ability and intention to promote the book containing your work, please let us know your plan. No simultaneous submissions. No reprints. Put "Novel Submission" somewhere in the subject line of your email. Also include as much of the Title as possible in the subject line.

On the one hand, I feel the above should speak for itself and I don't have to point out all the things wrong with it, but on the other hand ... well, better safe than sorry.

For starters, I would not advise any writer to waste his or her time on this publisher, or any publisher that would offer the same type of contract. Sure, every publisher has to start somewhere (so goes the usual argument), but the fact is this smells like someone woke up one day and thought, Hey, wouldn't it be cool to start my own publishing company? and then went from there. Basically, it's those royalty rates that concern me, not to mention the fact you are only paid up front by a "token advance" which could be anything from $5 to $100 (though I suspect it's closer toward the $5 range). As can be seen by their first title, the price is $14.99 (which I always find steep for a small press POD book), which, in theory, earns the author roughly $1.20 per unit sold. That is, after all, 8%. And the e-book? Well, as you can see from the guidelines, e-books won't be published until six months after the print version is published, so it's impossible to guess a price. But guess I shall. Let's say they price it somewhat reasonably at $4.99 (though I suspect it'll be more). 15% would then come to $0.75. That, in case you're wondering, is about how much I make on my self-published e-books at Amazon priced at $1.99. And Amazon now offers 70% royalties for any e-book priced between $2.99 and $9.99, so really the publisher is making $3.50 off an $4.99 e-book and passing only $0.75 cents off to the author.

Do you see the problem now, folks?

I don't want it to seem like I'm attacking this specific publisher, because there are many out there just like it. Some offer better royalties than others, though that still doesn't mean they're a better option. (One small press publisher who'd approached me about possibly publishing a novella was offering between $200-$500 flat fee for limited edition hardcover, and 50% royalties on the e-book; I didn't have anything suitable at the time to submit and had to pass, and even if I did have something suitable to submit I'm not completely sure I would have sent it anyway, as it was clear all the publisher was really trying to do was grab e-book rights.) You see, in every situation you have to ask yourself how this benefits you in the end. If a publisher is willing to pay a decent advance and offer decent royalties and actually has the know-how to get your book in the right places, then by all means, be my guest. But if a publisher isn't offering you hardly anything, not even a decent cover (example), then why waste your time and not try to do it yourself?

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If you haven't seen it yet, over the weekend an essay was published by Edward Docx (who sounds like a program created by the Microsoft Matrix to destroy us all). Basically, he has some very silly things to say about how literary fiction is just so much better than genre fiction, and then Nick Mamatas has some very astute things to say that puts Docx to shame.

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I'm a huge Larry David fan and finally got around to watching his 1998 movie Sour Grapes over the weekend. And it was bad. Like, really bad. So then I also watched Overnight, a documentary that follows the quick rise and fall of Troy Duffy, the writer/director behind The Boondock Saints.

I'd heard about the documentary forever and had been meaning to watch it and was glad to have finally seen it, but I'm not sure I can recommend it. If you're a Boondock Saints fan and really like film (as in you appreciate the behind-the-scenes stuff), then yeah, you might enjoy this. If you didn't care for the movie or didn't even see the movie, then this probably won't interest you. It starts out really good, but then seems to drag on. It made me think of Orson Welles, and how awesome it would have been had Orson had some friends following him around with a camera when he got the amazing deal with RKO and then, eventually, made Citizen Kane. That would have been incredible. But no, instead we have Troy Duffy, who was more arrogant than genius. And if you don't have Netflix (where it's streaming instantly), you can check out the documentary in parts at YouTube, staring with part one. To peak your interest, here is the trailer (don't mind the Dutch subtitles):

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-dlNX4AxqM